Crackfic

[spiceblueeyes]

I have no idea where this came from, I was supposed to be doing homework.
Oh well, at least I wrote something.

Rating:pg
Warnings:none
Disclaimer:I own nothing
Summary: Spike on the Death Star. What?
Word count: 875

 

“Spike, I am your father.”

Spike looked up at the man wearing all black, with a cape and a funny looking helmet. He didn’t know how he got here, he was fighting with Buffy and Willow against some nasty purple demon when all of a sudden he was in this big metal room. The man wearing black seemed to be staring at him, waiting for him to say something about his rather ridiculous claim of being Spike’s father maybe? He was breathing pretty heavily, in fact, he really didn’t sound all that healthy. It was almost like a wheeze, but not quite.

Heavy breath in, heavy breath out. Heavy breath in, heavy breath out.

Deciding to ignore him, Spike started to explore his surroundings. He carefully peered over a railing, staring down into a drop that went as far as his eyes could see. Which was impressive, given that vampiric eyesight enabled him to see much farther than a human could.  Behind him, the man in black was still watching him, beginning to get frustrated that he was being ignored. It wasn’t something he was used to.

“Spike, I am your father,” he repeated, hoping he would get through this time. Spike turned around and looked at him.

“Really? I don’t think so mate. I’ve got much better fashion sense than you.” Spike gestured to his own outfit, his black jeans, black t-shirt, bleached hair and signature duster. “My look is tasteful and classic while yours is,” Spike pointed at the man dressed in all black head to toe, “well; I think you’ve taken the Goth look a bit too far. I’ve got the birds fallin’ all over me, while you’re just bloody depressing.”

No facial expression was visible because of the black mask the stranger wore, but he gave off an air of being taken aback. “This outfit is a sign of my status as a leader for The Dark Side. Join me, and you too can have an awesome cape like mine. See how it flows behind me as I walk?” The man walked a few steps one way to demonstrate the effect of his cape, and then returned to standing in front of Spike.

Spike, unimpressed, took a cigarette from his pocket and fished his lighter out from another one. After lighting his cigarette, he took a deep breath and blew smoke at the arrogant man. “I’ll stick with my coat, thanks anyway.”

“But you’re my son,” the man protested, waving his hand in front of his face to get rid of the smoke. “The force is strong within you, you must join The Dark Side and we can rule the galaxy together!” Spike laughed.

“I’m already on ‘the dark side’ ya nitwit.” Spike took another breath of his cigarette and blew some more smoke at the man, “bet I’ve killed more people than you.”

“What? You have not! I’ve killed lots of people.” The man wanted to say more but suddenly choked on all the smoke in the air, coughing harshly. Spike winced at the noise, maybe the man had asthma?

“You all right mate, don’t sound too healthy there.” Spike leaned closer to the man, who as he recovered from his coughing fit, reached up his hand and snatched away Spike’s cigarette. “Hey!”

“There is no smoking on the Death Star.” The man was furious; cigarette smoke burned his lungs something fierce.

Spike snatched his cigarette back, “what’s a death star, and who are you to tell me whether or not a bloke can have a fag?”

“I’m Darth Vadar, I run this Death Star.”

“What Death Star?”

“This Death Star.”

Spike looked around, “I don’t see a star.”

The man, now revealed to be Darth Vadar, stomped his foot. “THIS Death Star! We’re in the Death Star!”

Spike gave Vadar a look full of disbelief, “go ahead Darth, pull the other one.”

“The Death Star is our ultimate weapon against the Rebel forces. You will help us defeat them.”

“Rebel Forces, I like the sound of that. What are you guys called?” Spike asked.

“We’re the Empire.”

“Rebel forces sounds cooler, I wanna be on their side.” Spike smirked and crossed his arms.

“But, but, you can’t!” Darth Vadar sputtered, “you have to join the empire, you have an English accent.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Spike was confused; it seemed like an odd reason to choose sides. Though who was he to judge, after all he wanted to join the other side because they had a cooler name. Spike eyed Darth’s outfit, and hopefully cooler uniforms.

“All of my minions have English accents,” Vadar explained, perfectly reasonably.

Spike vamped out, angry. “I’m not a bloody minion!”

Darth Vadar was beginning to think he had made a mistake, “clearly.” Using the force he waved his hand and sent Spike back where he came from. After Spike had disappeared he took a piece of paper out from the inside of his cloak. On it was a list of names. “Well that one didn’t work out,” he muttered to himself. He glanced at the next name on the list and waved his hand again, summoning a boy with the power of the force.

           “Luke, I am your father.”

Comments

[lexs-star.livejournal.com]

Very nice work. Though I couldn't stop laughing the whole time because my dad was trying to do something to the tv with the wrong clicker for the dvd player. ANd kept messing the dvd up and turning it off.

[spiceblueeyes.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[cafedemonde.livejournal.com]

pretty funny! Like him thinking Vadar has asthma :-)

*giggles*

[spiceblueeyes.livejournal.com]

Well, the guy does breathe kinda funny...he should probably get that looked at.
;)
Thanks for commenting!

[of-too-minds.livejournal.com]

Spike is so irreverent! I loved it. Very funny, hon.

[spiceblueeyes.livejournal.com]

Yes he is, which is why we love him.
Thank you!

[rivertempest.livejournal.com]

LMAO!

I love Star Wars and Spike, so this was awesome! I love the childish arguement the two Dark Lords have about clothes, the Death Star, and accents.

And of course, Vader snatching Spike's fag and getting rid of it was priceless - "No Smoking on the Death Star." I was waiting for a little sign to light up with that! tee hee

Great, thanks!

[spiceblueeyes.livejournal.com]

Thank you, glad you liked it!

[cynicalshadows.livejournal.com]

I was cracking up reading this, especially since I am also a huge Star Wars fan. This line was particularly hilarious:

"you have to join the empire, you have an English accent"

GREAT job!

[spiceblueeyes.livejournal.com]

It's great to hear that I made someone else laugh, since I was laughing when I wrote it.
I always wondered what was up with the accents :)
Thank you!

[spiceblueeyes.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I had so much fun writing this. I call this productive procrastination :D

[shanmara.livejournal.com]

That's the hardest and loudest laughter I've had in a while :)
Thank you for this productive procrastination, you made my day :)

[spiceblueeyes.livejournal.com]

It makes my day that I made yours, thanks!

[bmblbee.livejournal.com]

Great! Original and funny.

[spiceblueeyes.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[lesbianbutch04.livejournal.com]

I couldn't stop laughing! LOL, that was great thanks for sharing!

[spiceblueeyes.livejournal.com]

You're welcome, thanks for commenting!