spiceblueeyes | Fear Itself

This is just a quick little drabble, cause it's been a rough couple of weeks and this is the mood I've been in. Things are looking up now though.

Title: Fear Itself
Pairing: Spander
Warnings:angst
Disclaimer: Characters aren't mine and I don't make any money, ever.
Rating: PG-13, for the safe-side
Word count: 304

Xander was afraid.

Actually, terrified was a better word for it.

Sometimes the fear got so bad his stomach would hurt. He wouldn’t be able to think, or move, he’d just curl up and cry, unable to do anything but wallow in it. Alone, in the dark.

After he got involved with Spike it didn’t happen for a while. Spike made him feel safe. Then one night he got tossed into a wall by some demon. It didn’t even hurt that much, he’d been hurt worse, but it was enough to set off the fear. It swallowed him whole that night. He was a rocking, crying, trembling mess of terror, while Spike looked on, not knowing what was happening, or what to do.

The next day Xander tried to explain. Sometimes things just got to be too much, and the fear would swell inside him, paralyzing him. A doctor would probably say it was anxiety, and give him some pills, but he’d never told anyone else about it. He was scared that they wouldn’t understand, wouldn’t understand the mindless panic, the fear of nothing in particular that left him completely incapacitated. Because that’s what it was, fear of nothing, there was no focus or source for it, it just was.

Spike understood, after all he was a demon, who better to understand all aspects of fear.

So now when the fear rose up within him, overwhelming him, Spike was there. He would wrap his arms around Xander, and murmur soothing words into his ear. Constantly touching him, letting Xander know he wasn’t alone.

As the months passed, it became less frequent, and didn’t last as long. Xander recovered more quickly as well. But still there were times when it got to be too much, like right now.

Xander was afraid,

and Spike held him.