Leave All Your Love And Your Longing Behind 3.02-3.05

[spiceblueeyes]

3.02 The Kids are Alright

They were five miles out of Cicero, Indiana heading toward Ohio and Dean’s face was tense and unhappy looking as he drove. Sam watched him drum his fingers against the steering wheel. His eyes were on the road, but he seemed to be focusing on something else, something only Dean could see. Sam just sat back and waited for his brother to tell him what was on his mind. Of course, he might decide not to share whatever was bothering him with Sam. Ever since Dean made his deal, his soul and one year to live in exchange for Sam’s life, Dean had been more closed off. He avoided serious topics like the plague and while he put on a show of how he was living it up in the here and now, he was clearly scared out of his mind. Not that Dean would admit it. Stubborn jerk.

“Sam, you’re a geek, right?” Dean asked, though it was clear the question was rhetorical. Sam narrowed his eyes.

“I guess, to you anyway. Why?” Sam had always privately considered himself more of a nerd, but there was no way he was going to open up the discussion of the perceived differences between being a ‘nerd’ or a ‘geek.’ Especially since Dean had made up his mind that Sam was a geek after Sam’s first week of First grade, when he came home with a gold star on his Alvin and the Chipmunks notebook.

Dean was silent for a couple more seconds, as if contemplating whether or not he wanted to ask his question. “So you know about science stuff. Like blood types, and genetics and stuff?”

Sam looked at his brother, who seemed anxious, and his eyebrows scrunched together in question as he answered. “I know the basics, I guess. But I was pre-law, not pre-med, so I don’t know much.”

Dean took in his answer with a slight nod. But it was three more miles of pavement before he finally got around to asking his real question. Sam was absorbed in his own thoughts about the translations he’d been working on, more books he needed to get a hold of, and different ways to get Dean out of his deal, so when Dean spoke again he started.

“Could you do a blood test and find out who someone’s father is without the possible fathers blood?” Dean asked, his eyes on the road and deliberately not looking at Sam. His lips were pressed together tightly and his fingers were white on the wheel.

Sam stared at his brother in shock. Though he was a little surprised that he was so shocked, his brother had ‘sowed his wild oats’ often enough. It’s just that the idea of Dean having a kid was…Sam blinked, in shock.

“Um, I, I guess if you knew the blood type of the father you could rule him out if it didn’t match the kid, but, ah, no. You need both sets of DNA to compare.” Sam waited to see if that was the answer Dean had wanted.

Dean’s eyes narrowed as he thought about Sam’s answer. Then, without any warning, he swung the car around, squealing across the double yellow lines and headed back in the other direction. He laid down some rubber with his maneuver and Sam cursed as he was flung against the door of the car.

They were going back to Cicero, Indiana.

Lisa put the dirty plate in the sink and then paused to lean on the counter and breathe. Ben had finished his sandwich and was now picking out a movie for them to watch. It hit her again how close she’d come to losing him. If Dean hadn’t dropped out of nowhere for a visit when he did, Ben would have died underground along with all those other children. She wasn’t a religious person, but that kind of luck smacked of a miracle.

Suddenly there was loud, hard knocking at the door, Lisa straightened and went to open it. She swung the door inward to reveal Dean Winchester, again. He was wearing his leather jacket, a serious look, and his brother Sam stood slightly behind him and to the side, looking a little nervous and uncomfortable. “Dean,” she said, surprised to see him again. “You’re back. Is there something wrong?” Lisa had a sudden horrible thought that there might be some other monster after her son, another thing she couldn’t protect him from.

“Damn right there’s something wrong.” Dean didn’t shout, but his hard tone made it clear that he was pissed. “You lied to me.”

At his words Lisa relaxed a fraction; there wasn’t another monster, not today anyway. She looked at Dean, evaluating, reading his face. He was angry, hurt, and maybe a little glimmer of hope was in the back of his eyes. “What do you mean?” She played dumb.

“Don’t play dumb Lisa. Guy with a leather jacket, in a biker bar, no forwarding address.” His eyes narrowed, “Tell me that’s not me.” His words were a challenge, not a request.

“I told you I had a type.” She said.

“Yeah, and any guy who matched your ‘type’ wouldn’t have stuck around to supply a DNA sample. So you tell me, right here, right now.” He drew in a deep breath, and his next words were tinged with desperate hope. It was that hope that let Lisa answer him truthfully. “Is he mine?”

She stepped out onto the porch, Dean and Sam had to take a couple steps back to make room for her, and she closed the door behind her. She looked into Dean’s eyes, making it clear that this was the god’s honest truth. “Probably.”

Dean huffed out a breath of frustration. “Probably?” He asked.

“Yeah, probably. Like you said, you didn’t exactly stick around for a DNA sample. But the timing works and after you left I didn’t sleep with anyone else for a few weeks, and then I found out. So your chances look good, but if you want to be 100% sure you’ll have to do a test.”

Dean breathed quickly; he looked like he was working it through in his head now that he had confirmation that Ben could really be his. Sam was watching his brother closely, put his hand on his shoulder and squeezed. “He could be mine.” Dean said, awe and happiness and maybe even a little bit of fear coloring his voice. “He is mine.” He said, this time he was claiming, and Lisa tensed. Dean didn’t seem the type to take her to court or anything, but it was something she’d always feared, but his eyes as he spoke again dispelled that fear instantly. Dean stared at her, beseeching, “Can he be mine?”

Lisa stared into his eyes and she remembered his parting words to her, about how he’d been thinking about what he had to show for his life. She saw how much he wanted Ben to be a part of his legacy. However she also remembered how he’d said that this wasn’t his life, and it never would be.

“Dean, you said this isn’t your life. If you stay, if you want to be Ben’s father, then this would be your life. You’d have to stick around.” Lisa said firmly. “Can you do that?”

Dean’s eyes dimmed. “I…I don’t know.” He looked devastated, and Lisa got the impression that he wanted to, but felt like he couldn’t commit to staying. His eyes went guiltily to the Impala, sitting in the driveway, and one hand went to touch his hip lightly, where Lisa knew there would be a gun hidden under his jacket. She understood that he didn’t want to make a promise that might not be within his power to keep. Dean was a soldier, and soldiers died in the line of duty sometimes. Lisa’s father had been career Army, she knew.

“I won’t tell you to stop working, hunting monsters, because you save people, people like Ben. But afterwards, when you’re done, you come back here, you be his Dad. You don’t get to just disappear.” Lisa explained. This wasn’t negotiable, if didn’t wasn’t ready to be a father, if he wasn’t willing to commit to being there, with them, part of the family all the way, then she’d tell him to leave and never come back.

Dean gently shook Sam’s hand off his shoulder and stepped forward into Lisa’s space. “I promise I’ll do my best. Please let me be part of his life, your lives. I can’t promise more than to try my best, but I want to do this.” Dean’s eyes both begged and demanded at the same time and Lisa studied them. She found hope, and fear, but both weren’t unexpected. She also saw resolve, and an awareness of what he was committing to. Tension filled her front porch and both Sam and Dean were holding their breaths. Lisa looked at them, looked at Sam whose eyes were darting between herself and his brother, likely trying to figure out what to do if she said no, and if she said yes. She looked at Dean.

Lisa nodded.

“Okay.” She said. “Why don’t you guys come in, we were just going to watch a movie.” Relief flooded Dean’s face. Sam stood, still silent, with his hands stuffed in his pockets, looking awkward as he too tried to take in what just happened. They both let out sighs, a release of the tension from moments before.

“Thank you.” He breathed, his face open and vulnerable for her to see his gratitude.

She smiled at him, opened the door behind her, and stepped inside, the two brothers followed. Sam looked just as shell shocked as Dean as they both crossed over the threshold and into the house. Lisa led them into the living room, where Ben was sitting on the couch tossing a DVD case up into the air and then catching it again.

Ben started speaking as soon as she walked into the room, “Mom! What took so long, I picked out a movie.” He held up the DVD case, he’d chosen Aladdin, but as soon as he saw who’d followed her into the room the movie was forgotten and fell to the floor as Ben jumped up. “Dean!” He grinned, his whole face lighting up.

“Hey dude,” Dean grinned back. “Mind if me and Sam watch the movie too?” Dean gestured to himself and Sam, who was still standing quietly behind his brother.

“That’ll be awesome!” Ben exclaimed, and picked the DVD case up. “Have you seen this movie? It’s one of my favorites.” He walked toward Dean and held the movie out like an offering. Dean took it from him and studied the cover.

“You know, I don’t think I have seen this one.” He said. Lisa thought he was joking until she looked at Dean’s face, but he seemed sincere.

Ben snatched the movie back and ran over to the DVD player to pop the movie in. “You’re gonna love it! There’s this totally awesome genie and Jasmine is the hottest princess. AND she has a pet tiger.” Ben explained. “I asked Mom if I could get one but she said no.”

Sam and Dean chuckled. Lisa waved her hand, telling them without words to make themselves at home. “I’m going to make popcorn, you guys want some?” She asked. Sam shook his head but Dean’s eyes lit up the same way Ben’s did when she mentioned food and he nodded.

She shook her head as she headed to the kitchen. Her little family of her and Ben had just changed forever, but Lisa felt like maybe it would all work out for the best.

3.03 Bad Day at Black Rock

Sam and Dean were driving back from Black Rock, and while they’d been driving for a while now, in fact they were almost back to Lisa’s house; Sam could tell that Dean was still pissed about how things had gone down with Bela.

“Dude, if you walk back in the house looking like that Ben and Lisa are gonna think something went wrong.” Sam commented from the passenger seat.

Dean sighed hard. “I know.” He glanced at Sam and then went back to watching the road. “It’s just, that bitch!” He hit the steering wheel with his palm. “She stole those lotto tickets right out of my pocket. Like I’m a fucking amateur. I should’ve seen that coming.”

Sam’s brow wrinkled in confusion. It made sense that Dean had been mad about that at the time, but it wasn’t the type of thing that would normally continue to bother his brother hours later. They were used to not having money; it wasn’t really a big deal. “It’s just money,” he said.

Dean grimaced. “Yeah. Just money. I just…” He paused. “I had plans for that money.” Sam looked at his brother in surprise. Dean wasn’t exactly known for planning ahead and thanks to how they were raised he saw money as something that could be gained from one more credit card scam or the next bar with a pool table they came too. The only time he ever worried about money was when they settled down for a while and had to pay rent legitimately. Oh.

“Is this about Lisa and Ben?” Sam asked, but really he didn’t need Dean to answer. Of course it was about Lisa and Ben.

Dean scowled. “Fuck Sam, I was gonna give that money to Ben. Maybe have Lisa open a bank account for him. That way, if he ever needed it to, I don’t know. Buy a classic car, go to college, he’d have that.” Dean propped his elbow up on the car door wiggled in his seat a little. Conversations about feelings and the future had always made him fidgety, and it was even worse now, with the Deal looming over their heads.

Sam understood why Dean was so upset now. His brother didn’t have much he was going to leave behind. And while Sam was still looking for a way out of the Deal he knew that Dean had already accepted it. He wanted to leave something behind for Ben, his son, because he wouldn’t be there when Ben eventually got his driver’s license, or decided if he wanted to go to college. “Dean, you’re not going to die. We’ll find a way.” Sam tried to put as much confidence into his voice as he could.

Dean didn’t say anything, but his fingers tightened on the wheel and his lips pressed together. He glared ahead at the highway and didn’t say anything else for the rest of the drive.

The Impala rumbled to a stop in the driveway just as the sun was dipping out of sight. Before they even finished getting out of the car Ben had launched himself out of the front door, down the steps, and ran toward them shouting “Dean! Sam! You’re back!” He stumbled to a halt a respectful distance from the car, careful not to touch it. Ben seemed to have an innate respect for the Impala that made Sam inwardly shake his head and wonder how that gene had missed him.

Lisa came out to meet them as well, but walked at a much more sedate pace. She had a smile on her face as she watched Ben wait for Dean to exit the car and close the door, before running up giving him a hug. Sam watched his brother awkwardly hug Ben back, not comfortable yet with such innocent and public displays of affection. “Hey dude, were you waiting for us?” Dean asked.

Ben let go and backed up so he could look at Dean’s face. “Uh, duh. You guys were fighting monsters again.” He said in his serious eight-year old voice. Then he grinned, “You have to tell me all about it!” His eyes sparkled in anticipation of the story.

Dean had looked stricken at the implication that Ben had been worried about them, but managed to regroup and chuckle at Ben’s next words. “Maybe later, man. Did you finish your homework?” Dean reached out nudged Ben back toward the house, herding him. He looked over his shoulder, “Sam, get the bags.”

Sam gave him a mock salute and opened the trunk to fetch the two duffels. He listened to Ben chatter about his day at school and what Susie had told Luke on the bus ride home. It was possibly the most domestic thing Dean had ever experienced, and Sam was glad they’d found the Braedens when they did. Dean took in everything Ben said, and asked him questions in return, despite the fact that the internal politics of a third grade classroom wasn’t something he would normally find interesting.

Sam figured Ben was a great distraction for Dean so that he could have more time to research unnoticed, since Dean was infuriatingly reluctant to look into ways to break his deal. Sam closed the trunk with a thump and headed toward the house, passing the rest of the family in the living room and setting their bags in their room. He took the book he was currently reading out from its hiding place in the back of the closet and opened it, determined to save his brother so he could have this life that he deserved.

Lisa watched Dean and Ben. Ben was sitting at the dining table and Dean was bent over him, listening carefully to Ben explain his homework. She was in the kitchen, finishing up dinner. They were having spaghetti with meatballs and garlic bread. She’d made extra, hoping that Dean and Sam would make it back in time to eat with them.

Sam walked into the kitchen and looked to see what she was staring at. He smiled, “Dean, he really loves Ben, you know.” Lisa turned to look at him. “I mean, some people would think that it’s too soon to really love someone, but to Dean he’s family.” Sam looked at her, earnest. “You’re both family now.” He said. “Which means he loves you with everything he has and would die for you in a heartbeat.” Sam was still, staring at her, like me was trying to convey a deeper message.

Lisa nodded tentatively back at him, not sure if Sam was trying to explain Dean to her or trying to warn her about something. Sam searched her face for a few more seconds, and then looked away, gazing around the kitchen. “Need help with anything?”
“Um, I don’t think so.” She looked around the kitchen. The noodles were in the strainer, already drained. The bread was out of the oven and the sauce was simmering on the stove with the meatballs already in it. “But you could help set the table. In fact,” she looked through the doorway at Ben, “Ben, why don’t you help Sam set the table for dinner. You can show him where everything is.”

Ben closed his notebook and Dean stepped back to give him room to slide off the chair. “Okay, Mom.” He was in a good mood tonight, Lisa noticed, usually she got at least a whine for assigning a chore. Ben darted into the hall for a moment to put his notebook next to his backpack and then came into the kitchen. “You can get the plates out of the up high cabinets.” Ben pointed up at the cabinet above the counter, “Cause you’re a Sasquatch.” He giggled.

Sam huffed and Dean barked out a laugh and then tried to cover it up by coughing. Sam glared at him, “Wonder where he learned that from?” He said.

Lisa looked at Ben, “Don’t call Sam names, Ben.” She scolded, but then couldn’t resist adding with a smirk, “He’s very sensitive about his sasquatchness.” That made Ben crack up, and Dean didn’t bother to hide his laughter this time. Sam rolled his eyes, but as he turned to get the plates she saw him smile.

Under Ben’s guidance, Sam managed to find all of the plates, glasses, and silverware, and together they set the table. Dean came into the kitchen with Lisa and started putting the pasta into a bowl for the table without being asked. She made herself busy with transferring the sauce and meatballs into another bowl, and placing the slices of garlic bread onto a platter. She was facing away from him, but could feel his presence at her back, solid. Since Dean and Sam had moved into the house with them they’d been sharing a room that had previously been used mostly for storage. Whenever Dean was here Lisa half hoped when she went to bed that Dean would join her. However, during the three weeks they’d stayed before heading out on that last job, Lisa had sent out all kinds of signals, and Dean had politely ignored all of them.

She wasn’t sure why he wasn’t interested in a physical relationship. She had fuzzy but strong memories of that crazy weekend eight years ago, and while most of the specifics weren’t there, she definitely knew that they’d both had a great time. But maybe Dean just didn’t do relationships, and the fact that he was sticking around this time made him scared to try for anything with her. Lisa mentally shrugged; she wasn’t going to push him. It was enough that Dean was here and being a father to Ben, and being a good one despite her doubts in the beginning. He was patient with Ben and seemed to speak his language since a part of him had obviously never grown up. Then there were times when Lisa would catch him staring at Ben when he thought no one was looking and Dean’s eyes would carry a heavy sadness that spoke of age and too many experiences. If he thought someone else was there the look would be blinked away instantly, and while Lisa wanted to know what Dean was thinking of in those moments, it wasn’t her place to ask.

They put dinner on the table in companionable silence while Sam and Ben bickered with each other at the table. Dinner was good, and both Dean and Sam dug in with gusto. So much so that Ben stared at them. “Dudes, you hungry or what?” He asked. Sam blushed a little.

“Just enjoying your mom’s home cooked meal.” Dean smiled back at Ben unabashedly, “Never tasted anything quite as good as home cooked meal. Nothing better.” Sam nodded in agreement and now it was Lisa’s turn to blush a little.

A troubled look came over Ben’s face, “Never? What about your mom, didn’t she cook?” He asked. All three adults at the table were surprised by the question, and both Lisa and Sam looked to see how Dean would answer. Lisa paid close attention, because she hadn’t heard either man mention their mother and was curious herself, though had more tact than her son apparently did. She made a note to herself to have a talk with Ben about that later.

Dean’s eyes shot to Sam briefly before meeting Ben’s eyes. “Our mom died when I was four and Sam was a baby.” Dean hesitated like he thought he should say more, but didn’t.

“Oh.” Ben said. There was silence and then he asked with a seriousness that most kids his age didn’t possess, “Did a monster get her?”

Dean swallowed hard, eyes flicking over to Sam, and then Lisa, for an instant, “Yeah.” His voice was rough. Ben nodded his eight-year old head sagely.

“Monsters are not cool.”

That prompted an unexpected chuckle from both Sam and Dean. “Totally not cool,” Dean agreed. Sam smiled and went back to eating, the tension gone from the air.

Later that night, after Ben was in bed and Dean had read him his bedtime story, one with a brave knight who goes to slay the evil dragon, and then makes friends with it instead, Sam, Dean, and Lisa sat in the living room together. Sam and Dean each had one side of the couch and Lisa was curled up in the armchair, her hands curled around a mug of hot tea while Dean nursed a beer. Sam had declined a drink, saying he wasn’t thirsty. Both of them looked lost in their thoughts, Dean stared introspectively at his beer bottle and Sam had his eyes fixed on something in the distance. Lisa could see hints of that sadness in both sets of eyes and didn’t like it. She spoke up.

“How did everything go in Buffalo? You found your dad’s storage locker okay?”

Her words pulled them out of whatever daze they’d been in and they looked at her. “It went all right.” Dean said. He tilted his head toward Sam. “Sammy here couldn’t keep his shoes on.” He teased.

Sam raised his hand, “Not my fault and you know it,” he said.

“Yeah, I know, the unlucky rabbit’s foot. But you just looked so cute, standing there with one shoe, all droopy.” Dean smiled, “’Deeean, I lost my shoe!’” He said in falsetto.

Sam reached over and punched his brother in the arm. “Shut up, I did not sound like that!” Lisa chuckled at them. “At least I wasn’t all,” Sam made his voice deep and growly, “’I’m Batman.’” H e waved his hands in the air. “That was ridiculous.”

“Dude,” Dead exclaimed, “I was Batman! Did you see that shot?” He looked at Lisa, “It was awesome, I threw the pen into the gun barrel.” He made a circle with one hand and pushed a finger through it with the other, demonstrating.

Stifling her laughter Lisa said diplomatically, “I’m sure it was impressive.”

“Damn right.” Dean nodded and leaned back into the couch.

There was amused silence for a few moments and then Lisa thought about what they’d said. “So, someone was trying to shoot you?”

Sam squirmed a little and Dean looked uncomfortable as he replied, “Ah, yeah, but don’t worry about it. It wasn’t a big deal.” He brushed the incident away with his hand.

Lisa looked at them, “Ben was really worried about you, you know?” Dean reached an arm up and rubbed the back of his head. “I’m just, I’m not saying to stop hunting, you know I wouldn’t say that. Just…be careful.” She gave them a small smile, “We want you to come back.”

When Dean didn’t say anything, Sam spoke up, “We want to come back, too.” He looked at Dean. “We will come back.”

Dean looked back at Sam and there seemed to be some kind of silent communication before Dean faced Lisa again and said, “We’ll always want to come back, but we can’t promise. What we do is dangerous, and if you think you and Ben can’t handle that then…” He stopped, unwilling to put the option of them leaving out there, but Lisa heard it nonetheless.

“I know,” she said. “Life doesn’t come with guarantees. I just wanted you to know that we worry.” Tension left Dean when he realized she wasn’t going to kick them out.

Lisa and Dean went back to sipping on their respective beverages, but Lisa noticed that Sam seemed a little upset still. A few minutes later he headed upstairs to the room he shared with Dean, leaving the two of them to chat about meaningless trivia into the wee hours.

3.04 Sin City

Ben finished his homework as fast as he could. Dean had called a few hours ago and said that he and Sam would be home tonight. They hadn’t been gone that long, not as long as last time for sure, only a weekend.

When the now-familiar rumble of the Impala could be heard coming down the street, Ben was done with his homework, had his teeth brushed, was in his pj’s and ready for bed because that was the only way Mom would let him stay up until Dean got home. He and his mom were in the living room watching Aladdin again, because mom had let him pick and no matter what she said there’s no way he’d ever get tired of watching the most awesome movie ever.

Dean and Sam coming home was even more awesome than the movie though. Ben jumped up from the couch where he’d been cuddling with his mom and ran to the window, pulling the curtain to the side. There was an old truck he’d never seen before parking behind the Impala, and Ben watched as Dean and Sam got out and talked to the old guy who got out of the truck. If he was a friend of Dean and Sam, then he was probably cool.

Ben was waiting for them in the front hall when the door opened. Sam came in first and smiled down at him, goofy hair flopping. Sam was freaking tall, somehow Ben forgot that when he went away, and then when he came back, it was like he was super tall again.

Dean was right behind him and the strange guy followed. “Hey, little dude.” Dean said when he saw Ben and Ben grinned. “Ben, this is Bobby,” He slapped the shoulder of the guy. “Bobby, this is Ben.” Bobby looked down at Ben.

“Hi Ben, nice to meet you.” Bobby nodded at him.

“Uh, you too.” Ben replied. His mom came up behind him and put her hand on his head and ruffled his hair. When she stopped Ben reached up and tried to smooth it back down, he hated it when she did that.

“I said he could stay up until you got home.” Mom said.

“Awesome.” Dean said, he reached out and ruffled his hair too; Ben batted his hand away and huffed. “Aw, Sammy, you’re rubbing off on him after all, that sounded just like you.” Dean teased both of them.

“Did not!” Ben protested. Dean just laughed.

The Bobby guy was staring at Ben and it was weird so Ben backed up a little and stood next to his mom. “How about some hot chocolate?” She asked everyone.

“Oh, yeah!” Ben said. He turned to the three men, “my mom’s hot chocolate is awesome! The best ever!” He bounced a little. He didn’t actually have to tell Dean and Sam about Mom’s hot chocolate, but the Bobby guy didn’t know so he said it anyway.

“Sounds good.” Dean rubbed his hands together. “Sam, Bobby, you guys in?”

“Sure,” Sam said.

“Naw, no thanks.” Bobby guy said. His voice was gruff, and Ben distrusted anyone who said ‘no’ to hot chocolate, but his eyes looked nice.

“Alright then, three hot chocolates coming right up.” Mom said as she turned and walked toward the kitchen. Ben followed her and so did everyone else.

Mom made the best hot chocolate because she made it in a pan with milk and chocolate syrup, not from the powder stuff that came in packets. Dean helped her, and Sam and Bobby sat talking in the living room. Ben went and sat next to Sam on the couch and watched Bobby who took the armchair.

“So I guess you fixed the Colt.” Sam said. He was slouched back into the cushions, spread out.

“Damn right he did.” Dean shouted from the kitchen, there was a soft sound that was probably Mom hitting Dean for saying a bad word, but it’s not like Ben hadn’t heard it before.

“How’d you do it, Bobby?” Sam asked.

Bobby looked annoyed as he said, “I had help.”

“What? Who?” Dean came out of the kitchen and Sam sat up straight.

“Ruby.” From the sound of Bobby’s voice and the way both Dean and Sam got real stiff and angry looking Ben guessed that Ruby wasn’t someone good.

“Why would she do that?” Dean asked.

“Damned if I know.” Bobby said, and then winced in Ben’s direction. Ben rolled his eyes. Grown-ups were stupid, he knew that word already.

“Guys,” Sam said, looking at Ben. “Now isn’t really the time.” Bobby and Dean looked at Ben too and he squirmed a little under the attention.

“What?” He challenged.

“Hey man, are those new pajamas?” Dean asked. Ben wasn’t stupid; he knew they were changing the subject because of him. There wasn’t really anything he could do about it though.

“Yeah,” he looked down at his shirt and pants. “They’re Batman. I used to have Spiderman, but he’s not as cool as Batman is.” Ben explained.

Dean grinned, “I know, Spiderman has powers. But Batman just has his brain.”

“And loads of money, high-tech gear, and a butler.” Sam added.

“Whatever, dude.” Dean said, easing himself onto the couch. “You just don’t want to admit that Batman would cream Superman in a fight.” Ben nodded.

“Um, that’s because he wouldn’t. Superman would pound Batman into the ground.” Sam’s face said the ‘duh’ that he didn’t actually said out loud. Ben shook his head.

“Nuh uh,” Ben piped up, “Superman can’t go near Krypontite. Batman could totally just get some and then ‘pow’ no more Superman.” Ben punched his fist into the couch cushion of emphasis.

“See, Ben knows.” Dean said, smirking.

Sam glared at Ben and mouthed, “traitor” at him. Ben just smiled his evil smile back. He had a good evil smile, Dean said so.

“Ben,” Mom called from the kitchen. “Come get your hot chocolate.” Ben hopped up and quickly went to the kitchen, returning shortly with his own mug and one for Sam, which he handed off, careful to not spill it.

“Where’s mine?” Dean asked Ben, pretending to be hurt.

“Mom still has it.” He answered. Sure enough Mom came out into the living room and gave Dean his mug of hot chocolate. He thanked her and took a sip right away. Then jerked his head back and swore. Mom sighed.

Ben laughed, “It’s too hot still, dude. Duh.”

Dean grumbled, “Thanks for the warning.” Mom sat down next to Sam on the couch and Dean settled himself on the floor, his back resting on the couch between Sam and Mom’s legs.

Ben was pretty tired, and so mostly focused on his hot chocolate, blowing air over the top so it would cool down faster. He listened as Dean told stories about some guy named Richie. Richie sounded like he was a funny guy, but maybe a little dumb, after all, if Dean told him not to do something, then you shouldn’t do it. Dean knew everything about the monsters, but this Richie guy sounded like he’d ignored Dean lots of times.

After Ben finished his hot chocolate, Mom said it was time for bed, and even though Ben whined about it, he really didn’t mind because he was tired and now that he knew Dean and Sam were home safe he’d be able to go to sleep better. So he gave everyone a hug goodnight, except Bobby because he didn’t really know him. Mom took him upstairs and tucked him in and he was sleeping within two minutes of his head hitting his pillow.



Bobby watched Lisa take Ben upstairs to bed and saw how tired the boy was. He’d been good though, trying to stay up with the grown-ups. Bobby saw Dean in the boy strongly. They had the same nose and the same hair and the same facial expressions.

The way Dean watched Ben came close to breaking Bobby’s heart. Dean watched him like he was savoring every moment to remember later. He was good with Ben; even from just being here tonight Bobby could see that. He was patient and related to him, spoke his language. Poor kid was gonna lose Dean in less than a year and he didn’t even know it.

“Does Lisa know?” Bobby asked. Both men looked at him, confused as to what he was asking about.

“Know what?” Sam asked.

“About the deal.”

“No. And we’re no telling her.” Dean said. He stared Bobby in the eye, dead serious. “They don’t need to know.”

“It’s gonna hurt ‘em when you disappear one day.” Bobby observed.

“He’s not going to disappear!” Sam interjected, but he was ignored.

“Yeah, it might-”

“Might?” Bobby interrupted, incredulous. Of course it would hurt them. Ben clearly thought the sun rose and set with Dean. Kid might not ever get over it completely.

“But,” Dean said forcefully, rolling over Bobby’s disruption and glaring at Sam, “It would hurt them more to see it coming. To have to wait for it.” Like you have to, was the unspoken thought.

Bobby sighed. Dean had a valid point, but that didn’t mean the whole thing didn’t make his head hurt and his stomach knot up.

“Anyway,” Dean said, clearly changing the subject. “If Ruby’s gonna keep coming around we need to demon proof the house.”

Sam nodded, “Yeah, I was thinking about that earlier. We could repaint the moldings with salt mixed in. Also a put a few devil’s traps around. Maybe one under the welcome mat?” Dean nodded.

“Good idea. Bobby, you have any advice?”

Bobby thought about it. “Have something iron and something silver in every room. I could also do some voodoo protection symbols in each room, should keep the everyday nasties out.”

“You can do that?” Lisa asked, walking back into the room. She’d obviously caught what Bobby just said.

“Sure, just gotta brush up on my voodoo. Should be ready by tomorrow afternoon.” Bobby said.

Lisa smiled, “That would be great.” She yawned.

“It’s getting late, I should get going.” Bobby lifted himself off the chair to stand.

“Go where?” Dean asked, surprised.

“To get a motel room for the night.” Bobby replied.

“Oh, no,” Lisa shook her head. “You should stay here. Any friend of Dean and Sam’s is welcome, and you’re more than a friend. They talk about you all the time. ‘Bobby says this, Bobby says that.’” She laughed. “I’ll get you some blankets if you don’t mind the couch. Or I’m sure either Dean or Sam would give up their bed for you.” She arched an eyebrow at them but it wasn’t necessary as they were both already nodding.

Bobby hesitated, then nodded. “Okay, but the couch is fine.” He hated feeling like he was putting other people out. Lisa smiled again and left, presumably to fetch some blankets.

Sam stood up, “I’ll get your bag from the truck.” He left out the front door.

“It’s a pretty comfortable couch, I’ve slept on it a few times. When we first got here Sam got dibs on the only guest bed because of his freakishly long legs.” Dean chuckled; he put his hands in his pockets and rocked back and forth on his heels a tiny bit. Bobby nodded. “Well, guess I’ll head to bed. See you in the morning.” Dean turned to leave the room.

“Dean,” Bobby said just as Dean reached the doorway. He looked back over his shoulder. “He seems like a good kid. Your daddy would be proud.”

Dean ducked his head and gave a curt nod before fleeing the room. But Bobby knew that as much as the comment had made Dean uncomfortable, he also needed to hear it.

When Lisa came back with the blankets Bobby thanked her, and Sam, too, when he brought him his duffle. He bedded down for the night on the couch, under the same roof as the Winchesters and their makeshift family. He wondered just before he fell asleep if this feeling in his chest was what it felt like to be a grandfather?

3.05 Bedtime Stories

Sam walked into the house behind Dean; it was empty right now. Ben was in school and Lisa was at work, so they had the house to themselves for a few hours. Sam knew he’d been moody the whole drive back, ever since his meeting with the crossroads demon. He also knew Dean had noticed, but was grateful that Dean didn’t show any signs of asking Sam why he was angry. He didn’t want to lie to his brother, but Dean’s reaction to what he’d done would not be good, and very probably violent.

Dean tossed the duffle with his clothes in it onto the couch, and put the bag with the weapons on the kitchen table. Sam followed him and put his own duffle next to the weapons bag. “Hey, Sam,” Dean said as he unzipped the bag in front of him. He pulled out a shotgun and looked it over. “I was thinking, maybe it’s time we gave Ben his own gun.”

Sam whipped his head up and stared at Dean in shock. “You can’t be serious!” He was tempted to laugh, hoping it was a joke, but the expression on Dean’s face was sincere.

“Why not? I want him to be able to protect himself.” Dean said, his head cocked like he was confused as to why Sam thought this was a bad idea.

“Dean, he’s eight years old.” Sam pointed out.

“Yeah,” Dean nodded and waved his hand back and forth, gesturing between them. “We had guns when we were eight.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Dean, you can’t use our childhood as a model for how to raise kids.”

“You turned out pretty well.” Dean jokingly slapped his shoulder, but didn’t meet Sam’s eyes, and it didn’t escape Sam’s notice that Dean had said ‘you’ and not ‘we.’

“Dean, we had Dad with us, doing drills, basic weapons safety training, all that stuff, our whole lives. By the time he let us actually have a gun we knew everything about how to use it. Ben doesn’t have that background.” Sam reasoned.

“I can teach him.” Dean said. “I wasn’t just gonna hand it to him and say ‘there you go, have fun.’” He sounded insulted that Sam would think that.

Sam sighed, “At least ask Lisa first. She should get the final say on whether or not her son is armed.”

Dean thought about it, “Yeah, okay, I’ll talk to her tonight.” He put the shotgun back into the bag and zipped it up, then headed upstairs to put it safely away in their room. The crossroads demon’s words came back to Sam, whispering in the back of his mind.

“Aren’t you tired of cleaning up Dean’s messes? Of dealing with that broken psyche of his?”

Sam shook his head. In some ways it was true, his brother was broken, but that didn’t mean Sam was going to abandon him or give up, because in so many ways Dean was the strongest person Sam knew.



When Lisa got home it was to the smell of something cooking in the kitchen. Upon investigation, she found Dean and Sam in the kitchen, sitting on stools at the counter. When they saw her they each smiled, but Lisa thought Dean’s smile was maybe a little bigger. It could just be wishful thinking though.

“Hey, you’re home.” Dean said. “I made lasangna.”

“So that’s what smells so good.” Lisa said. “Sam didn’t help you?” She teased.

Sam got a hangdog look on his face, “He wouldn’t let me.”

Dean bumped his shoulder, “Four years of college and this kid can still burn ramen. It’s unbelievable.”

“I only did that once, Dean, and if I remember I was a little distracted by the, oh, I don’t know, ghost trying to kill us at the time.” Sam huffed.

“Still, I’d never seen noodles look like that before.” Dean laughed.

Lisa set her purse on the counter and pulled up a stool for herself. “I didn’t know you could cook,” she said to Dean.

“I did most of the cooking when we were younger.” Dean said. “Someone had to make sure Sam ate his vegetables.”

“I don’t think there are any vegetables in lasagna, Dean.” Sam said.

“Shut up dude, there’s tomatoes in the sauce or something.” Dean glared at him. Lisa smiled at them, but was careful not to laugh aloud. Dean sometimes got touchy about being laughed at.

“So what, you just decided to cook tonight? Did I do something to deserve this little treat?” Lisa asked.

Sam shook his head. “Naw, now that I’m old enough to feed myself-”

“Barely,” Dean interjected.

“-Dean only cooks when he wants something.” Sam finished.

“Dude!” Dean punched Sam in the arm, hard if the way Sam winced was any indication.

“Is that true?” Lisa asked.

“Well, I mean, I do have something to ask you. But I don’t mind cooking. I would have done it more but I thought you liked to cook.” Dean said, a little shamefaced.

“I do like to cook, but it’s nice to not have to once in a while.” Lisa said.

“Okay.” Dean nodded, Lisa could see him making a mental note of that.

“So what did you have to ask me?”

“Ah, well, see on this last case there was this little girl. Her stepmother poisoned her and she ended up in a coma and stuff.” Dean waved away a story that was probably lifetime original movie material. “Anyway, I was thinking I’d like to start teaching Ben to protect himself.” Dean said.

“That seems reasonable, I guess.” Lisa said slowly, trying to figure out the catch.

Sam jumped in, “He wants to give Ben a gun.”

Ah, the catch. “What?” Lisa said. “No way, you’re not giving my son a gun. He’s eight!”

“That’s what I said.” Sam leaned back and looked smug. Dean glared at him, if looks could kill.

Dean looked back at her. “I’d teach him how to use it. We had guns when we were eight.” Dean looked like he didn’t understand that knowing he’d been armed in elementary school made her heart hurt for him, but in no way made her want to give her own son a gun.

“No. It’s not happening.” Lisa shook her head. Dean’s shoulders slumped.

“I just want him to be safe.” He said.

Lisa softened. “I know,” she said. “What about all the things you did around the house? The salt and the symbols and stuff?”

“The house is safe.” Dean said, looking her in the eye. “But the moment he steps outside he’s vulnerable.”

Lisa shook her head. “No, I meant why don’t you teach him that stuff?” It would be good for Ben to know that stuff, and be less likely to get him expelled from school.

Dean looked surprised, and so did Sam, like that thought hadn’t occurred to them. Dean nodded slowly. “Yeah, I could do that.”

Sam looked more excited, “Dean, we could totally do that.” He gripped Dean’s shoulder. “We could teach him everything we know about the supernatural. All the things from Dad’s journal and all the stuff we figured out on our own. We could get Bobby to help too.” Dean listened and his face relaxed as he nodded agreement.

“Wait a minute,” Lisa said. “No offense to you guys, but, I don’t want Ben to grow up to be a hunter. Protecting himself is one thing, but…”

“Ben won’t be a hunter.” Dean said, resolve in his face. “I wouldn’t want our life for him either.” He smiled grimly. “But he will be safer from all the things in the dark, and the daylight.”

“Don’t worry,” Sam said. “No one chooses to be a hunter if they don’t have to be.” He too had a cynical expression. He got up from the counter and returned a few seconds later with a notebook and a pen. “We should make a list,” he said to Dean, “of the things we should teach Ben.”

Dean nodded, “Let’s see. Lock picking, put that down” He tapped his finger on the paper until Sam wrote it. Lisa raised her eyebrows at him. “It’s very useful,” he said with a ‘what?’ expression.

“Vampires,” Sam said, “They’re important. How they can walk in the sun and the only way to kill them is decapitation.” Sam wrote.

“Yeah,” Dean said, and started listing more things off, counting on his fingers. “All the different kinds of spirits, poltergeists, death omens, shape shifters, death echoes, the Trickster, though I really hope that son of a bitch doesn’t show up again.” Lisa’s eyes widened at the list. “Demons too, he should learn about possession and where to find exorcisms. Holy water and holy ground.”

Sam kept writing but when Dean said, “And we should teach him not to make deals with them,” his pen skittered a little and he paused.

“Yeah, that’s an important one.” Sam glanced at Dean and Lisa saw an ache in his eyes that she couldn’t explain. But with the lives these two had led they probably had lots of secrets and close calls that could scar anyone.

“You both should get the tattoo.” Dean said to her.

“What tattoo?” She asked. Both of them pulled their shirts down and to the left to reveal a pentagram design surrounded by what looked like stylized sun rays. She tried not to stare too obviously at what she could see of Dean’s chest.

“It’s prevents demonic possession.” Sam explained.

She studied the design, “I guess I could get it, but Ben is only eight. That’s a little young for a tattoo.”

Dean’s face was bleak with memory as he said, “They can, and do, possess children.” Lisa paused, taking that in.

“Okay, I’ll talk to him about it.” She said. Dean nodded and he and Sam went back to making their list. Lisa listened in and was glad she was sitting down as they named things from nightmares and urban legends. They were planning to ruin Ben’s innocence, but she couldn’t find it in her to hate them for it. She knew it would keep him safe, and maybe she would sit in on some of Ben’s lessons as well. She wanted to be able to protect her family too.

Continue

Comments

[fannishliss.livejournal.com]

I'm going to enjoy reading this -- I love Lisa and Ben and I'm very curious how s3 will turn out!

I especially like your premise that Dean can Hunt and be with Lisa and Ben too... I fully agree. It's not without problems, but they are surmountable.

See I even have a Lisa hugs Dean icon :)

[spiceblueeyes.livejournal.com]

Now you made me feel bad, I don't have a lisa/dean icon, lol. Guess I need to find one :)

I hope you enjoy the story!

[vasiliki.livejournal.com]

“Could you do a blood test and find out who someone’s father is without the possible fathers blood?” Dean asked, his eyes on the road and deliberately not looking at Sam. His lips were pressed together tightly and his fingers were white on the wheel.

OMG, my heart truly started beating faster here! This was the question that was burning my mind after that episode - how did Lisa get the biker's blood if he had disappeared? And she certainly hadn't gotten Dean's blood either.


Then, without any warning, he swung the car around, squealing across the double yellow lines and headed back in the other direction. He laid down some rubber with his maneuver and Sam cursed as he was flung against the door of the car.

They were going back to Cicero, Indiana.

*SQUEEEEEEEEEE*
*jumps up and down*
Go, Dean!!!!! XD
Oh, I do hope this happens in S6!!! The brothers still hunting, while having a family on the side - the ideal living!

[spiceblueeyes.livejournal.com]

That question bugged me and bugged me after that episode, because I'm pretty sure the answer is no, not that I'm an expert or anything. I just watch law and order and ncis.

I hope this is where season 6 goes too, though with a happier ending that this fic has.
Though it is Supernatural, you'd think those people had never heard the term 'happy ending.' LOL!

[ahavaelwilhouse.livejournal.com]

This is lovely. I'm very interested so far! :D

[spiceblueeyes.livejournal.com]

Glad to hear it!